. that darn mozlem .

I feel a constant wave of jitters. Sometimes it escalates to sheer panic and other times it’s an “Oh he’ll be fine -snap out of it woman!” But I can’t snap out of it because I can’t help but worry.

Let me explain what’s going on. My husband agreed (after asking if it was okay with me of course) to drive up to Minnesota with his friend since his friend is moving there and I guess for a mini “guy’s road trip” or something, but nonetheless I didn’t oppose to it. But that was three weeks ago when I didn’t think it might actually happen. Now that the time is here and my husband already left this morning I want him back home. Not because I’m the cruelest meanest wife you ever did see, but I’m just a little worried of all the possible things that could go wrong.

You know that expression “hope for the best and prepare for the worst” -well my problem is that I hope for the best but ENVISION the worst. I’m unsure of why I do that, but it’s always been with me. I remember when my mom would go shopping and my sister and I would stay home because we didn’t want to go and whenever my mom would take longer than usual I never thought “Oh maybe she’s buying more things or she’s just running other errands.” No, I hoped to Allah she was on her way home but my imagination would get the best of me. I’d think “Oh my goodness, there’s a hold up at the store with robbers and machine guns and my poor mommy is hiding to save her dear life behind the cereal aisle!” I NEED TO DO SOMETHING.

So I used to call her often to make sure she was okay and that everything was fine.

“Mom where are you?!?!?!?” (listening for guns or chaos in the background)

“I’m shopping…like I said the last 7 times you called!”

“But it doesn’t take 3 hours to shop.”

“Listen, if you call me one more time… [fill in the blank with something painful]“

I was just a tad bit over protective but I learned to scale it down as I grew up. Now I see something similar reemerging with the huz when he goes somewhere I can’t reach him. On a normal day we see each other about 50 percent of the day but when he’s gone for days at a time out of state?! No, no I need reassurance no matter what the cost. InshaAllah I believe he’ll be fine because he can take care of himself (and all of his friends in the woods for days -another story I’ll tell you about some other time) but I can feel that same overprotective maniac amira coming back just a little bit.

Drinking this cup of caffeine doesn’t help either -maybe that’s why I’m shaking.

jitterbug,
amira

P.S. Two other things I wanted to point out:

1) I notice the over protective behavior when it comes to my youngest sister and my mom. She needs to know where our mom is all the time. Uph, how annoying. What a clingy kid huh? Just kidding she’s a mirror image of me.

2) I send my duaas to all the wives, mothers, and anyone who has a loved one away for so long (in something like uh, I don’t know A WAR…) where there’s a heightened possibility of not returning. I can only imagine the anxiety.

I am Ethiopian.

That’s how I define myself nationally and sadly it has become a habitual response when asked where I “originally” come from. I’m not sure when I began feeling this way, but as odd as it may sound I never gave the thought of actually being from Ethiopia -a real country with a history and past- much thought. Maybe it started when I had to explain that Ethiopia was in northeastern Africa and NOT in Asia.”Ethiopia” doesn’t even sound Asian. It is just a place that I come from just as a Jupiterian would be from Jupiter, no big deal.

Then last night the hubz and I thought we would brush up on some facts and ended up reading pages and pages of Ethiopian history. I think since I grew up with the language (well one of the major languages), food, and overall culture I just assumed that everyone knew about E-tope-ia then I realized that heck, even I don’t know about it.

It all started with a simple question -”What are your ancestors from?”- by the hubz and with no hint of hesitation I responded “E-tope-ia silly!” “Everybody is Ethiopian at heart!” Then I remembered my mom’s friend who was clearly Ethiopian, but actually descended from Israel and that her great-grand parents are not actually Ethiopian at all. So I began to wonder “What if I’m not really-really Ethiopian?!” My whole life would have been a big fat dor-oh eating lie.

So my husband and I tried to find our ancestry online of all places for about five mintues before we gave up and decided that to go for a real ancestry-ist (I don’t know what they’re called -the folks who look up your family tree…genealogists?) and opted to at least find out about the motherland. It was so gratifying and simply beautiful to read history from as early as 100 B.C. and have that feeling of national pride. I began thinking about the five -yes FIVE whole years- learning about U.S. and Texas history and only one weakly year of world history during school and it irritated me to know how limited our view of history really is.

I understand that obviously when you live in China you learn Chinese history from the Chinese perspective same as in America or any other country, but I wish there was some way take a history course of another country without having to major in it (if they even offer it as a major) because I think we’re missing out on the lost treasures of each country and their unique impact on the world we know today. MashaAllah there are countries like Egypt that everyone knows about because of it’s foot print in so many religious debuts and scriptures, not to mention the numerous artifacts, monuments etc. left behind. But what about countries that we never hear about like Mongolia or Tunisia (or Ethiopia!).

So as my husband and I read we realized it’s relevance in not only Islamic history of course, but in Christianity and how much of it’s history is never taught to Ethiopian youth here in America. I remember in Islamic school when the teacher would mention Ethiopia my whole body would be electrocuted with excitement and in my head I’d yell “THAT’S ME! THAT’S ME!” because I always hear about other countries so when Ethiopia is mentioned and especially in the context of Islam and King Negashi -oh yeah, that’s me…the Ethiopian. I just want to make that awesome ringing sound Ethiopian and I believe Arab women can make. It’s ear piercing, but worth going deaf for.

I think it’s a duty for the youth and parents to educate their children about their country’s past whether it be glorious or grim. I can’t imagine living in Ethiopia only because too I’m spoiled with everyday commodities here, but the stories and sense of love of national pride I hear from elders and even my husband (he lived there until he was 12) makes me feel like “Dangit, I feel so un-cultural about my own culture.”

So folks I encourage you to take some time to figure out where you’re from; it helps your world make a little more sense.

I’m not one for cliches, but it’s too true to deny that can’t know where you’re going without knowing where you come from.

I was frantically trying to open the new box of tissues because my allergies were starting up again when my youngest sister asked for one. She’s the type of beanhead that wants something only because my sister and I have it and so I gave her half a tissue instead of a whole one. Here’s what happened.

E: “Can I have a tissue?”

Me: “Why do you need one?”

E: “Because I just need one.”

Me: “Here’s half.”

E: (an extremely “That’s not fair!” look on her face) “BUT I HAVE A BIG SNOT!”

So as we wrap up the last days of December (five days and counting) I thought I had my fair share of baby mania you know, ALL YEAR LONG (which I do love by they way). But then I went to TDC. Did you know that TDC also doubled as stroller central? Why yes, it provides oodles of newborns and baby bags filled with wipes, diapers, and those teeny tiny socks.

MashaAllah everyone I thought I would never see again I not only saw but also became a mother. I was too close to just falling out all over the place so many times I’m seriously surprised I survived. One sister I haven’t seen since last year’s Eid is pregnant (mashaAllah) and everyone else had a newborn or infant with them.

Let me tell you the most shocking baby story at TDC (for me at least). At my aunt’s apartment complex they have gate keepers/guards that do what gate keepers/guards do and there was one particular lady (who I later found out was a muslimah and her husband was friends with mine) who was always so nice to me -she always let me go in without the usual license check (they do a check on everyone…I’m no criminal). Well anyhow she eventually quit her job and disappeared forever I thought. Then as I was walking through the bazaar at TDC guess who I run into?! Yes! The same sister. She was sitting at a booth and I recognized her face immediately but of course I didn’t remember her name because I just can’t remember names (I’m starting to think it’s a condition I need to be checked for).

MashaAllah it turns out that the sister quit her job and she and her husband opened up an Islamic store not to mention SHE HAD A BABY since the five months ago that I last saw her! I noticed the baby carrier next to her but didn’t think anything of it until she mentioned her son. I’m just glad my jaw didn’t break when it hit the ground. Even she had a baby, not that she wouldn’t or anything, but it just further proves my point that people I know (or knew) are poppin‘ them out.

A long time friend of mine (we go way back to the kindergarten jungle gym) has a cousin who got married almost a year ago and we (my mom, husband, and I) met him and his wife for the first time on Sunday and guess what?! Even they had a baby. Okay, okay I realize that maaaaybe I’m just psycho about all of this because people have babies all the time, but it’s happening all around me and I’ve never known 235635 pregnant/new mothers at the same time.

Everyone had or is having a baby -everyone. Maybe you are too and who else?….not I.

I did get my “mom fix” over the TDC weekend though. Since my mom couldn’t make it the first two days I was solely in charge of my sisters and partially for my cousins. I felt mom-like especially with my adorable (and eatable) youngest cousin. I love that kid more than any other baby in my entire life mashaAllah.

Nonetheless I want a teeny-tiny human to care for. One that only knows me as “Waaaah” and I can dress in ridiculously cute costumes like this one.

-amira

Wow. Another great TDC has come and gone like the wind. I can’t believe how fast the last three days flew by. Maybe it was just one long day with 3-4 hour naps in between. And different abayas. I thoroughly enjoyed this year’s Texas Dawah Conference and the theme, Family in Focus, could not have been more perfect. It applies to everyone -married, single, family (duh!), parents, children, youth-EVERYBODY and their mama’s could benefit.

I just realized that I should have taken pictures but no one thinks about pictures when rushing to get to the next lecture. Speaking of lectures I admit that this is the first year that I took notes (I was far too lazy in previous years). My friend said she typed up her notes and sent them to people last year which kind of surprised me because it was such a good idea and…so….simple -DING! (light bulb) So I thought “Whoa. Look I actually have notes this time. Maybe, just maybe, someone might be interested.” So you, yes I’m talking to you, if you’re interested in any of the lectures I attended let me know and I can make your day with some life changing information. I’ll state the list of lectures I have notes for and since my mom bought practically the entire conference on CD, I can inshaAllah make notes on the other lectures.

Moving on to other TDC news, I don’t think this year’s attendance was as large as last year’s. Maybe it had something to do with the time people have off from work for the holidays and when TDC took place. Last year it was during Christmas so more folks had time off; even my mom who was fanatical about TDC all year could only make the last two days. And although some -ahem my sister- think that the theme wasn’t as “effective” I find that it was better than the themes from last two years I attended. I don’t even remember what TDC was about last year why? Because it wasn’t something that most people are interested in (well at least it didn’t apply to larger aspects of people’s lives). But who’s affected by having/raising a family, family relationships, nourishing your marriage, or of course getting married? EVERYONE. All of the categories may not apply to you, but I know at least one or two is on your mind -maybe even constantly. They even had topics that were on the “outskirts” of family such as domestic violence and peer pressure et cetera just to name a few.

I think this year was more “content effective” than last year and that’s a fact jack.

So anyone who knows me knows I’m a Sheik Yasir Qadhi groupie and now I have a new -well not “new” but an additional- favorite speaker. Folks get a hold of Dr. Ibrahim Dremali’s materials. You will not regret it and wonder why he hasn’t been talking you about life as long as you’ve been alive. MashaAllah he’s a wonder-awesome-ful speaker. I’ve never walked out without wanting to make a change or choking on my tears from his lectures; he’s a truly motivational speaker.

Here’s the list of lectures I have notes for:
“What Would You Do If You Knew You Couldn’t Fail” (Aman Ali -comedian)

“Strong Home -Strong Family” (Dr. Ibrahim Dremali)

“Marriage SOS” (Dr. Dremali) you don’t have to be married for this one. It’s just different ways of looking at things in a marriage and tips for solutions -comes in handy folks.

“Body Language” (Dr. Ali Shehata)

“Modesty and Patience” (Sheik Zhoubair Bouchikhi) I’m a Sheik Zhoubair groupie too.

“Domestic Violence” (DAYA -organaization)

“When Your Parents Look Up To You” (Dr. Dremali) a lot of women were crying in this one just like in “Not Another ‘Be Good To Your Parents’ Lecture” by Ahmed Sidky. Someone told me that the entire audience was crying during that lecture. InshaAllah I really want to listen to it although I know I’ll sobb until my eyeballs fall out but I’m sure it’s worth it.

Lectures I Plan to Make Notes On:
“Men Are From Mecca, Women Are From Medinah” (Sheik Yasir Qadhi, Sheik Yassir Fazaqa, and Sheik Yaser Birjas)

“Sex Ed” (Sheik Yaser Birjas)

“Not Another ‘Be Good To Your Parents’ Lecture” (Ahmed Sidky)

There are plenty of others I can’t remember right now but definitely those aforementioned.

Let me know through a comment or my email.

I’m starving like a …a…heck, I’m just starving. I’m going to have something to eat before you know what happens.

adios,
amira

Alhamdulilah TDC (Texas Dawah Convention) is finally among us and I am passed my eyeballs in excitement. Yesterday was an Eid carnival day for the kids (and adults). I got a ticket too and I wasn’t going to let it go to waste so I rode a couple of rides even if it meant skipping some of the kids in line. Not really, but you know what I mean.

THEN today happened. Today was the first official day of the conference and I’m enjoying every millisecond of it. InshallaAllah I want to write about it in detail after the conference ends so that I have the full experience before I express it’s awesomeness.

But for now if you’re not at TDC, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU!?

This has got to be one of the, if not the weirdest Eids I’ve ever had. Firstly it never felt like Eid. You know that feeling that starts two days in advance and you’re just jumping from wall to wall because Eid is here, Eid is here Eid is here! The house is “guest ready” and there’s food you only see once a year -that’s right ON EID. You’ve got your nicest hijab and abaya or thoub ready (mercy, I love a guy in a thoub -”a guy”=the huz). I don’t know what kind of fitnah this is, but nothing beats a well groomed brother in a thoub. I know ladies, I know. But try to restrain yourselves.

Back on topic, today was awkward. It felt like it was a forced Eid as if it wasn’t really Eid, but a by-golly-you-better-make-it-Eid-even-if-it-kills-you type of thing. My mom was working and my sister had to go to school an hour and a half early to take her final and have the rest of the day off. Not to mention that half of the freakin‘ masjids were not even praying today so we ended up praying at some small masjid we never go to. We could’ve prayed at the George R. Brown, but traffic -hello. There’s no way we would’ve made it on time.

Then like every Eid the Ethiopian community has their own celebration with a massive breakfast and a kuthbah. Oh, how could I forget the 3287549325634 kids loaded with candy and desserts? Where’s a tranquilizing gun when you need one?

But oddly enough I think the biggest hurdle for me was that it was a Wednesday. A Wednesday -I don’t remember Eid being on a weekday for some reason. I know it has been before because I would have to turn in that excuse letter to school the next day. But in college I don’t know why it just seems so..off. Eid sounds like it should be on a weekend so that you have days to recover.

My mistake is that I kept comparing this Eid with Eidul Fitr which was bea-u-ti-ful. I wish that day lasted forever and more. This one was alhamdulilah. That’s it -just “alhamdulilah.” So there’s my two cents on this Eid.

For the record I did enjoy spending time with my family and my friend’s heavenly cheesecake. MashaAllah forks down, she is the cheesecake queen. She brings cheesecake over every Eid and quit frankly it just ain’t Eid without her cheesecake.

Cheesecake is the new baklava.

-amira

And I don’t mean those kind of helpless. I’m talking about all of the poor husbands in the world that have to endure the possessed sides of their wives.

I feel bad for the huz; poor guy is afraid to say something because he knows I won’t take it the right way. I don’t know what’s wrong with my hormones, actually I do know, every girl knows -every month. It’s the same ol‘ story: girl goes bonkers and guy prays for help. Now, I’m not violent but once when he noticed my bipolar mood swings he stepped out and came back with a helmet. Jokingly he said to just let him know when it would be safe again.

One Moment: WHAT? I’M VICIOUS OR SOMETHING? I NEED TO BE IN A ZOO LIKE A WILD ANIMAL? OH AND I’M UGLY LIKE THE CRAZY BABOON TOO HUH? SINCE I NEED TO LET YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S SAFE AGAIN…

Next Moment: (hysterically crying) I don’t know why I get like this. I’m sorry. I’m soooooorrryyy. I’ll make it up to you I promise, but for now I need chocolate -a lot of chocolate.

Yea, he didn’t joke around for a while afterwards.

Its one crazy roller coaster and I totally understand a sheik telling us about a dua the husband should say on the first night with his wife.

Allaah, I ask You for the goodness within her and the goodness that you have made her inclined towards, and I take refuge with You from the evil within her and the evil that you have made her inclined towards.’

InshaAllah I’m going to try to get his jokes and in the mean time make him all the hot cocoa he wants. Right now I can see him peacefully sleeping and it kills me up that I’m so deadly (to say the least) towards that precious beanhead of mine.

But alhamdulilah (subhanAllah and mashaAllah) he has the patience and really if he makes it one more day, then it’s all good right?

Right?!

DON’T MAKE ME ASK YOU AGAIN!

Just kidding. I’m totally fine.

Schizo,
amira

Before leaving from the park my friend’s sister gave me a kiss (mashaAllah she’s such a cutie-tutie) and my youngest sister with her uncontrollable jealousy was upset. Here’s the conversation that ensued.

Youngest sister: Never talk to me again.

Me: It was just one kiss

Sister: I’m not listening to you.

Me: It didn’t mean anything!

Sister: And you hugged her back.

Me: I can’t hug people?

Sister: Not other girls.

I never thought I’d ever have this conversation -I felt like a guy caught between his girlfriend and his ex.