NEW: quite possibly the longest post -ever

hello internet. extremely long time no see. infact i honestly forgot about you for a while so now i’ll make up for the months of neglect with EVERYTHING thats been going on.

i got back from lubbock -it was intense there. seriously, nothing short of boot camp for pre-meds. we were all sleep deprived the entire month so like many of us, when i got home i slept, i think, for maybr three days straight. i was up for about 28 hours the night before i got home and slept two hours before i had to get up to catch my flight. we did a lot of things that i hoenstly dont feel like talking about…or maybe im trying to block that part of my memory. either way its in the past and it was beneficial -alhamdulilah.

my husband was still in Dominica for school and lubbock helped a teeeeeny tiiiiiny bit with keeping me busy enough to forget how much i missed him, but it was still hard to talk to him every couple of nights and know he wasnt happy -i wasn’t happy- we both hated the distance and inconsistant communication. granted i was lucky enough to even be able to talk to him, but its still nothign like having him home..or heck, even being at home. i neevr thought i would wish to be at home so badly as when i was in lubbock. oh wait i was supposed to have stopped talkign about lubbock, huh?

anyhow i got back on the 29 of july and my aunt had her baby about a week earlier. WOW mashAllah what a little cutie. hands down, my husbands aunt and uncle make beautiful babies. so it was super sweet to finally meet little ibrahim and really just see my entire family again….minus my hubz.

so i guess you would find out sooner or later anyways internet, but since everyone else knows now , i am happy to announce that my husband and i are expecting our first -alhdmaulilah and inshaAllah-this december. yeah, four months away. which makes me six months, 25 weeks and 4 days to be exact, along today. i found out in march and it was ridiculous to get through third exams and finals with the fatigue and nausea, but i did. then my husband leaving for school and having to go to lubbock and lack fo sleep and homesick PLUS a heavy dose of preggo hormones was not a pretty concoction. but alhdamulilah it couldve been worse i guess. dang, i meant to post up ultrasound pictures but enevr had the time or memory to do so. i even took pictures of my positive test. oh wait thats somehting have to tell you about…

so i noticed some strange symptoms and took a test for the heck of it -totally expected it to be negative because ive had more convincing syptoms with a negative so surely not this time, right? wrong. when the second pink link appeared my jaw hit to the floor. then i laughed for ten mins straight. i laughed and laughed and laughed. i dotn know why but i couldnt stop laughing. then i made sujood and thanked Allah for the gift/blessing and prayed for healthy pregnancy and baby. then i took pictures of that sucker! which ill upload sooner or later. i took another one two days later jst to be sure i didnt use a faulty test or something and that second line appeared faster and darker than the first time. doctors appointment confirmed it about two weeks later, so i was officially pregnant.

and ya knwo what? i actually wanted kids for a long time….for like two years…if youve read any of my baby woes under ooh beh-beh over on the side bar, you’d know the kind of psycho i am. it wasnt fertlity issues, just plain ol’ timing. it was never the right time to even think about starting a family much less trying. THEN IT HAPPENED ON ITS OWN!!! boooo-yeaaaaa! so i was beyond ecstatic when it happened out fo the blue because it was like Allah’s timing which is the best timing, therefore i/we wouldnt have had to worry about whether we shouldve waited or not. ya knwo what i mean?

oh and its a boy! shoot, at the end of the day all i can ask for is a healthy baby, but i always wanted a boy first-alhamdulilah.

other news include other stuff i cant remember because i guess it wasnt important enough. honestly my head is still wrapped up around today. OH YEAH! i’ll tell you what happened today after i explain about july 17, which is one of my favorite days…and it’ll makes sense about today.

so i was talking a class durign summer II and hubz and i were talking about him transfering school but how much longer than would take if he had to finish this semester -blah blah blah. then i was in class that day and wanting -almost needing- lasagna so picked up ingrediants after class and was thinking about how funny it would be if my husband decided to just drop this semester and come home..infact i was imagining him coming off the plane and runnign to the nearest cab and stuff. anyways i was in the kitchen putting on final touches when i heard the front door open. it couldve been my dad who sometimes comes hoem early, but rarely at 1pm. i peered around the kitchen door and no one walked in but the door was opened a crack. classic way my husband opens the door to give S some time to put on a hijab if shes in the living room. but no way it could be him, right? WRONG. i opened the door and hubby was right there!!!!!!!!!!! i was shocked but totally unsurprised at the same time. why? because butthead wasnt picking up or returning any of my calls and completely dissappeard for two days! two days!!!!! do you knwo what kind of paranoia that spirals me into!?!?!? you have no idea! and my thing is that i assume the worst, so i was literally wanting to throw up with worry. but my calmer side felt like he was up to someting. he told me he was going to finalize everythign AND THEN come home…which wouldve been about a week to two weeks from when we talked about it. then he shows he shows up two days later?! it made also made sense to me why he didnt want me to -practically made me swear that i wouldnt-call the airlines to change his time for him and that he would do it himself which considering everythign i do for him is rare.

and omg, thank Allah i decided to shave and be all nice and smooth that night before- just for the heck of it! lol anyways it was amazing to see him again and a month sooner than originally planned. so he was here from july 17 til today, sep 1. now hes gone again, but not to school. hes taking this semester off to take a much need and loooooooooooooooooong awaited (like 13 years) trip to ethiopia to see his parents. he needs to do this, which i think is understandable on any level. nonetheless we havent mastered this whole seperation deal too well and it was immensely difficult to say good bye-again. although this trip is a happy one, it wouldve been ideal if we both went. BUT THANKS TO THAT ETERNAL INSTITUTIONAL HELLHOLE (School) i couldnt. not during next summer either. not even next year or two. this was the one window he had and id be damned before i let him miss this oppurtunity to see his parents. how selfish and just plain evil would that be? so although i wish so badly we couldve gone together, its more important for him to go atleast by himself than not at all. besides im not supposed to be taking 22 hour flights at 6 months along.

so he left today and took my heart with him. and i still have his here with me. inshaAllah i cant wait until i see him again and he can help me roll my whale like body by then whenever i need to change positions while sleeping. darn i cant call him as “regularly” (if you call every couple of nights and every night if the planets aligned perectly) as when he was at school, but inshaAllah he said he’ll get a phoen as soon as he gets there.

ugh. i hate sleeping alone.

i have to get my mind off of this. i need to focus. the less i think about it, the better i can function.

atleast i still have some of his clothes here – i will be sniffing those.

dang im a beast. im hungry again, but i just ate. i need to find some heavy duty carbs or something to keep me full for longer than 20 -30 mins. but anythign for my booooshie-woooshie-litttle-sweeeeeety. the hardest part is having an apetite for anythign when you dont want to eat but your stomach hurts because its empty.

oh yeah! ramadan mubarak internet! i cant believe its been a year. and uh, yeah, i wont be fasting this year. id rather make up 30 days than to starve my little pumpkin.

hmmmm.. what else? i cant think of anything else. infact i should be sleeping considering my full day of classes tomorrow. so im going to hit the sack now….alone…BUT IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT! nah anha nahanahanahanahan…blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

ok now that my spasm is over with, good night!

 

Oh, You’re Still Here?

Wow. Super duper long time no see dear blog of mine. But I have a reason. Two words -Lubbock, Tx. So it’s been three weeks since I arrived and I honestly forgot about you and whenever I remember to post something…I fall asleep, since they didn’t really schedule in any sleep for us, but plenty of busy work type of things. Nonetheless alhamdulilah I’m thankful and …stuff.

Anyways the one thing I love most about being here for this program is meeting all these cool people I wouldn’t have otherwise met -most likely. There’s this one muslimah (sweet…I’m not totally lonely) and a brother; they’re both awesome. In general I feel pretty connected with most of them and I know I’ll miss them when it’s all over in three weeks.

I’ve popped, but I’ll explain what that means later -hahaha.

One thing that brings me down like no other here in this little city is the lack of iman on my part. Someone told me that it’s super easy for you to just drop it like its hot when it comes to your iman, not matter how much you think you can handle it -he was right. I thought it would be cool and yo, I even have another muslimah (we’ll call her missy) here and we’re going to chill and be together for everything so it’s cool right? Wrong. I haven’t seen or even heard of a masjid here and I think missy and I are are “cultural” as it gets with some scarf thing around our heads and weird long dresses, but whatever. I really miss Houston’s phenomenal muslim community and I’m definitely starving for some of Sheik Zubeir’s lectures. Dang it, I wish they were podcasted. Anyways…inshaAllah only three more weeks. Keep me in your duaas.

Other news include the graduation of my little sister from high school. She will be officially “legal” in a month or so and it kind of freaks me out because I never think about her age and when I realize she’s older I want her to stop growing up so fast. Atleast E (other little sister) has something like 13 years to go before she’s anywhere near college aged.

It’s been a month and some days since the hubmister left and it has gotten easier -well the busy schedule does wonders to help with that, but I still wish I could see him. We talk for about 10-20 min every night right around the time we’re both too exhausted to hold a real conversation so we listen to other breath or just fall asleep…although he’s fallen asleep on me more times than I have on him -butthead.

I miss my family and friends, but I really like the people I’ve meet here. It’s going to be interesting when it’s time to leave. I kind of wish we could all just stay together somehow.

Anyhow I’m pooped and hitting the sack. I’ll update whenever I can.

 

Since I Can’t Sleep…

thought I should catch up on this ol’ blog of mine.

I don’t really have any major news, just everyday ramblings. Alhamdulilah today I got to visit/help a dear dear friend of mine and we got plenty accomplished as far as her to do list. She brewed some Arab coffee for me in the morning (which is probably why I can’t sleep right now)  and when we returned from where we had to go she presented a delicious lunch as we chit-chatted about everything. I loved spending some time with her and, most importantly, to see her doing so much better than even just last week.

I went home to find S doing some domestic work, which is as rare as finding a 100 dollars in your pocket. But she did it to make mommah happy and I thought it was pretty sweet. Speaking of sweet, homegirl even baked a carrot cake for after dinner. Our own little Miss Betty Crocker in all.

So today marks the one week “anniversary” since hubmister left and alhdamulilah him and I are taking it better than I thought we would. Of course I rather be with him right here and right now, but I think we’re just getting used to the circumstances. Besides there’s so much going on, it keeps us busy. At least we talk as often as when he was here, so not everything is completely different. He’s forever my most super duper greatest bestest favorite beanhead with the greatest smile in the whole world alhamdulilah.

And I still sniff his clothes -which I plan to take to Lubbock with me this Sunday.

Dang it, I just realized I have to complete a safety training thing before this weekend. I hate these safety training lessons. When I was working at Baylor I spent four hour for three days watching the same un-updated cornyvideos from high school and my labs. I nearly passed out in boredom and bribed myself to make it through the “training”. I take bribes very well. Yes, yes I do.

I don’t think I’m even going to pack until Saturday. WOW! One thing I’m really excited about is the plan ride! The last time I flew in an airplane (besides just popping out my wings and taking off) was five to six years ago when a herd of classmates and I traveled to Bethesda, Maryland/Washington DC. I swore I would live in Bethesda one day although everything is nearly twice as expensive as lil’ ol’ Houston. But it is a gorgeous city with birds chirping beautiful songs very morning to gently wake you from your nightly slumber. The air was clean and you didn’t smell the pollutants of everyday waste. Oh, and people are friendly, like “Oh no, your car is in the shop? Please have the keys to my bran new car. No, no I insist.” Well not that nice, but you get the point. Folks are Friendly with a capital F.

Ack, I don’t feel so good anymore. I had Chipotle for dinner and something hasn’t been sitting with me ever since. It’s like this mild burning sensation in the back of throat and nose. Is this what heartburn feels like? I feel like I might vomit fire or something…

Nonetheless, I’m just going to sleep on it. InshaAllahI won’t wake up in a pool of gastrointestinal juice.

Ha. How disgusting.

 

News Reel

Alhamdulilah, all praise due to Allah who has ended finals season and has let summer “vacation” begin. Man, I am sooo relieved that all of my finals are over with. I had my last one yesterday actually, but I was far too lazy to write about anything although there’s so much to talk about.

I don’t know how I used to make a post every single day and sometimes several posts within the same day; I think my record was five or six in one day. Now I forget I even have this ol’ internet journal of mine. Anyways, back to what’s going on.

My aunt is due with baby number five in about a month. I’m really excited because the youngest right now is two and half and throwing those terrible two tantrums, but gosh darn it he is so unbelievably adorable I can’t even think about being angry with him. Besides he really is a good kid overall. Anyway I read on one of my favorite blogs that baby breath smells really good. No, not that toddler breath that never smells quite right, I mean like newborn or infant breath. So that’s one more reason I’m looking forward to the new baby in the family. I’m going to get a nice whiffof his/her (my aunt never finds out the gender until its born -I just wouldn’t be able to do that) baby breath and write about it.

But unfortunately I won’t be around for the birth. In fact I won’t be able to see the baby until he’s/she’s about a month old since I’ll be in Lubbock for six weeks. For a vacation? Yeah right. Who goes to Lubbock, Texas for a vacation? I feel like most cities in Texas aside from the major ones like Houston and Dallas are pretty much dead, like Waco. With a giant haystack just rolling on by in the middle of the quiet ghost town. Or like College Station where the most exciting place is the college bookstore. Yay. Not.

But Lubbock’s not like that and I know this only because I checked out their CITY WEBSITE. I didn’t know city’s had websites. I wonder if Houston does. Anyways it seems like a normal bustling city with sky scrappers and freeways and stuff. So I guess I won’t have to milk any cows or saddle any horses, but I know I’ll be worked to the bone with the intensive summer program the folks at Texas Tech have lined up for us (a group of young adults from all over the state).

So I head off for this place in two weeks and in all honesty, maybe this sounds ungrateful because I know some people who would love to be able to go, but I am not looking forward to it 100%. At this point with the difficulty in getting the information to us and lack of more information we need, I feel like it’s kind of a mess over there. Like things aren’t completely organized. But that’s just part of my reason. The bigger reason is something I don’t want to get  into right now because it’s an entirely different post. But for the record I am happy about going, at least it’s something to do for six weeks, but on the other hand it’s a painful reminder. Ack, that’s te last time I’m going to mention that.

This Saturday my sister and I are going to meet with a couple of friends for an end of finals BBQ. I’m looking forward to it. The hostess came up with a great idea actually. Instead of just having a mindless good time and shooting drinks out of our nose from laughing so hard, she wants each person to prepare a breif five minute halaqa about something we care about and share it with everyone. What a great idea, huh?!!? Of course I’m not going to prepare for it until the day of the par-tay because that’s just my style, yo. After Islam, procrastination can be a way of life. I’m living proof of that.

Hmm, other news include just includes how ridiculously busy I’m going to be this summer, which is why I put vacation in quotation marks at the beginning of this post. I really want to just run away sometimes and travel the world on my time and do whatever I want without any obligations. I think people like Jeff Corwin and some others I can’t think of right now have the coolest jobs ever. I mean, this guy gets to travel the world, talk about it, preserve wildlife, share it with the world, do something he absolutely loves, make a real difference, AND GET PAID FOR IT! How awesome. I know he obviously had to work really hard to get to where he is right now, but boy oh boy his rewards are pretty sweet.

Anyways I’m getting a headache again. I’ve been plagued with headaches for the last couple of weeks and I have found yet another wonderful drug – Tylenol extra strength rapid release gels. Wow does it keep it’s promise. I really do feel my headaches  dissipate within a couple of minutes. Ah, I love over the counter drugs.

But I’m no junkie.

I’ll post other news later on.

 

 

 

The Cat’s Meow

Our neighbors have a pimp daddy cat named Kitho. I’ve posted about him and his deranged ways before, but today I would like to announce, in the midst of birth aannouncements from friends and soon family, that our very own Kitho has become a father.

Our cool neighbors asked if we’d like a kitten a few days ago and as much as I really really really wanted one, I had to reluctantly decline. But you better believe that as soon as they (the kittens) can play outside I will stop by everyday. And gently stuff each one of them in my basket and walk away very slowly.

Below are a few pictures of Kitho and his little pimped kitty friend. She follows him EVERYWHERE and is now the mother of his kittens. I knew she was preggers, but no one believed me because she looked so young. They are knocked up teenaged cats as well folks.

So anyways, have a gander at this lovely pair.

Here they are sharing a drink. Kitho is the larger one behind the first cat. You know, surprisingly we or our neighbors never named his little friend. I think I’ll call her sweety for now because she’s super shy around people and treats Kitho like he’s the king of her world. Ah, so young and in love.

Awwwh, it’s like that scene is Lady and the Tramp when they share sphagetti and oops! a surprise kiss….except these two aren’t going to bump noses  as they bury they’re faces in the milk. Just a close up these beautiful cats. You can see that Kitho is much bigger than she is from his head size alone. Big headed Kitho.

“So hows about a little privacy, huh?”

“Alright thanks for the grub, catch ya later”

“That is so like him to just leave like that….he drives me wild, raaaawr”

 

 

The Bum Within Moi

I could not be more upset with myself than I am right now. Six days just flew by and I haven’t crossed out anything on my “Before school starts again” list. SubhanAllah, number one time seriously flys right by even when you’re procrastinating and number two, I wish I had multiple arms to accomplish all that should’ve been done by now.

I’ve lost my eagerness to write lately. I don’t know why, but I guess I needed an extremely short hiatus or something. Anyhow there are two things that have been eating away at me for some time now; one of them for years. InshaAllah I’d like to talk about it sooner or later, but I wouldn’t count on this lazy ol’ bum.

Other news entail a lovely spring break that left me with a false illusion that the semester ended. I nearly crapped myself when I realized I have a test next week.

It’s getting closer to the time that the hubmister leaves, but I’ll talk about that when the time comes. I’ll be gone for a while too. In fact in that time I probably won’t even get on a computer for other than checking my email because I’m told I won’t even have time to pee. Maybe it’ll be time to type while on the porcelain throne..but oh yeah, I won’t ever get a chance to be on one. I’m going to grab on of those rubber bags you can get at the hospital. You know, the ones you can pee in while you’re on the go….gotta go on the go typa things.

lol

Ya Allah why am I so corny….

 

Long Time No See

Wow, this is the longest I’ve ever been away from you oh blog of mine. But it’s justifiable, I promise.

Now here’s my excuse list:

Last week (the week before spring break) I had my second (oh goodness…GOODNESS it’s only the second one) organic exam, which I studied my butt and more off for -before the week of the exam this time. Just kidding. There’s no possible way on Allah’s earth to cram for an organic exam. You have to start studying before the professor even gets to a particular chapter. Anyhow my friends and I studied extensively together and privately, so inshaAllah we’ll see what how much the studying paid off next week when we get back to school. Aside from the organic exam I had a history exam the following day, so while eveyone’s spring break began technically on Friday, I spent the all of Friday night talking with a friend after my exam, then sleeping for three hours and studying a half semester’s worth of information (13 dvds to be exact -it was a televised/ dvd class) for about two hourse before skipping off to my test. InshaAllah we’ll see how well that went, but it didn’t seem so bad.

Okay, now that everything related to school is out of the way I can get to the other stuff. Ever since 4pm Saturday I’ve been in spring break mode, so I’ve pretty much been a bum around in the house. Yesterday my sisters and I joined a couple of awesome sisters at their place and made echiladas and quesadillas and then loaded up on home backed cookies and store bought ice cream. No kidding, I always always always gain weight every time I visit their place, but dang namit the pounds are worth their company! We had so much fun and it was extremely relaxing for me to finally take a breath of fresh air -literally because we ended up eating the food in the backyard and dodging their neighbor who was having the side of his house painted. We would run to the backdoor and our picnic spot like spies or in all out sprints since we weren’t wearing our hijabs. Don’t worry, our picnic spot was nicely secluded.

Oh! How could I forget, the day before that my sister and I met up with about ten other sisters to fly kites and essentially take over the park. We brought kites but absolutely none of us could get the dang things to stay in the air and it was windy! I had no idea it was so complicated. So after a heap trouble and ultimate failure, we gave up and scarfed down bags of chips and pb n’ j sandwiches to overcompensate -if we can’t fly kites we at least know how to (over)eat. We spent a lovely day frolicing around and exploiting the jungle gym as a bunch of 17-21 year olds. Childhood is fun, even when you only impersonate it. Once the park began to overflow with mini people (real kids) half of us decided to grab a bite at the mall (which I usually hate, something about the mall makes me twitch) and the other half headed home. After lunch my sister and I went over to met the rest of our family at our aunt’s house. It was a beautiful Sunday.

Now my tidbit on spring break:

I don’t like it. I would rather not have spring break and end the semester earlier because in all honesty what the heck constitutes a weak long break in the middle of the of the semester? There’s nothing to celebrate. Besides Easter and some other holiday are about two weeks later, so I don’t understand this gap in my spring schedule. They (those who schedule these breaks or whatnots) did something this year with our spring break. As if it wasn’t a completely random break to begin with, they scheduled it at different times for different colleges and universities, so I couldn’t meet up with a good friend of mine since hers was last week. My theory on their different weeks is so that Cancun doesn’t over flow or something.

Now the highlight of my breaks so far, although it would be pretty hard to bet this:

Today I was at the second post office I had to visit because the one nearest to my house didn’t provide passport services, which I think is weird. All post offices should be, or at least I thought were, full service. Anyhow I was on the phone with Summer when I noticed this tiny bony chihuahua in the car next to me. When I look at what the dog was barking at I had to hang up the phone.

At first I noticed her magnificent main of hair worn up and held together with a stylish wrap; her classic look. Then I immediately recognized her face and nearly blew up in surprise. Oh. My. Allah. It was Ms. Carter, my middle school theater arts/speech teacher. But she was far more influential in my young feeble days than just in class. I look back at those days and there are many things I regret, but gosh, having met Ms. Carter was the best part of those years. She was my mentor, friend, older “sister”, and so enlightening to be around. We would go out to lunch and Chinese tea well after my middle school days and into the midst of my hectic high school years. She introduced me into the world of theatrics and helped me overcome any fear of speaking in front of people. She taught me that life is more than your friends, that family can be wrong (using the example of hers), and most importantly she taught me to be real with people and with myself. I lost contact with her, not to mention I felt that I would never ever see her again because I thought she moved to Chicago. And there she was.

We hugged and caught up and hugged again. She dropped a bombshell on me when she said she had a nine month old daughter, who is, by the way, gorgeous. Just like mama. We exchanged phone numbers and inshaAllah we’ll keep in touch. Maybe she’ll like tapoica. Wow. I still can’t believe that I ran into her and the most amazing thing is that it feels like it was just yesterday that I last saw her-as if I hasn’t been years. But she has that affect on people. She’s a beautiful and amazing woman.

Man, if I had decided to just go home instead of driving alllllllllllllll the way to the other post office at that time, today, instead of yesterday or even earlier this morning, I would’ve never run into her. SubhanAllah and you know me and “everything happens for a reason” (and if you don’t, then be aware that I’m all about “everything happens for a reason”).

Anyhow I got home and my sisters and I went on a quesadilla frenzy and ate …uh, too many basically.

Adios.

 

Ramblezz

Well it’s finally March. Not that there’s anything particularly going on during this month, but it does mark the midpoint of the semester. And I can not wait to be over with this semester. I really, really can’t.

Quite honestly, I don’t have anything spilling out of my profound fountain of wisdom (…pppphhhssssssstt) or incredibly embarrassing stories to tell. My days have been ordinarily consumed with to-do lists that I only halfway accomplish because who actually gets to cross out everything on those lists anyway.  Heck, I might have to start writing simple things down to make myself feel better.

Wake up -check

pee -check

Brush teeth and eat breakfast -check

pee again -check

Today was the day of that Al Maghrib exam that I was telling you about in the post right beneath this one. Yesterday my sister and I headed over to our friend’s house to do some studying only to spend 6 and 1/2 not studying and about 30 minutes trying to study. After leaving I decided I wasn’t going to look at the book until 6 am this morning. You bettah’ belive that never happened. Infact I was supposed to stay awake after fajr, but with me, I compensate the five mintues I wake up to pray fajr with three hours of sleep, so I went back to bed and didn’t wake up until my friend called me and I pretended like I was awake the whole time.

Studying? Yeah, yeah…since uh, like…uh….yeah…studying…

Anyhow I was in the limbo of whether or not to take the dang thing because although they say its mandatory, barely anyone shows up. So I took the exam and guess what? It was easy. I was surprised, infact I was a little weirded out because I wasn’t planning on answering the essay question (yeah I know that sounds bad, especially since it worth something like 30 points) and it was easy enough for me to put something down.

Blah. No more exam talk. It’s sickening.

Speaking of sick, E is actually sick today. And I say “actually” because she’s been claiming she was sick since Friday only she wasn’t. I think she pretended so hard and for so long that she made her body believe she’s ill. The little booger came home on Friday claiming “Ok, feel my head, isn’t it a little hot?” when it was actually normal and she definitely didn’t want to take any real medicine ”You, see I’m getting sick…I’m going to need to rest and that bubble gum flavored medicine again” We ignored her the whole time and now she’s actually has a light fever.

She pulled it off. Getting sick by the sheer will of wanting to be. Nah, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt; she’s actually petty when she’s not well.

I’m getting old I guess because I can’t stay up like I used to. I’m typing with one eye closed and the other half open….imagine a drugged …a drugged something.

Heck I can’t even think right now.

 

Mental Speed Bumps

Man, I hate when this happens. Have you ever had this mental block you couldn’t get rid of? Now imagine that for …like all of your life.

alkfoaifajdkvndsdvofskha

How frustrating! Because I know I’m not any less capable of doing something than anyone else, but it doesn’t turn out that way. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? Don’t tell me that some people are just better at somethings than others because then it means I suck at everything I do.

What I find weird and contradictory is that I tell people/friends things and I really mean it when it comes to them, like “Dudette, I know you can do it, of all people, you can definitely do it!” or “It’s no big deal” and then set out a easy plan for them, but when it comes to me, I’m fresh out of enthusiasm. I do try to pump myself up and convince myself that I am capable of accomplishing whatever I want to, but there’s just this negative mental block for some reason. A good friend of mine told me to never fear trying things and don’t let anyone tell you what you can handle, as in however many hours you can take and still do well for example. And I think it’s easier to say that to others, heck I say that to others, but when it comes time for me to eat my words, I can’t.

 I wonder if that makes my encouragement any less sincere because they are genuine. I just can’t get myself to believe them when it comes to me.

You know what? I think it’s because I get discouraged very easily with some things. That’s something I try to fight all the time. It’s the same old story: I work hard at something then I don’t do as well as I wanted or needed to and then I start feeling like it’s hopeless because if I gave it my all and it wasn’t enough, then what am I supposed to do?

SubhanAllah (and mashaAllah) my husband is the exact opposite. In fact it’s down right unreal how motivated he gets when he has to work harder. Here’s the difference in our approaches:

Me -I do badly or not well enough and I’m depressed and losing hope

Him -well he never does badly because he’s a licensed nerd (mashaAllah), but let’s say he makes a A- instead of like a 110 or something, he actually studies longer and harder and does better.

…………………..

I wish I had that kind of mental work. Maybe I’m just weak willed? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I don’t have a choice from now on especially with the upcoming events. This cowgirl’s gotta ride the big horses and not fall off.

So inshaAllah keep me in your duaa’s pretty please.

 

A Hadith A Day Keeps Shaytan At Bay

You know what? I’ve decided to do something so simple and so rewarding that it’s crazy that I never thought of it before. Well actually I have, infact I think it was my husband who came up with the idea when we were engaged oh so long ago. What we used to do in the midst of our two months engagement was send each other “hadith of the day” emails, which was a fantastic idea. I think I still have them collecting internet dust somewhere in a folder, but it just hit me like an anvil that we don’t do that anymore. I don’t remember why or when it stopped. Oh wait, I think it was when we didn’t have to communicate through emails and a CC.

Anyhow I’ve decided to, inshAllah, restart that with him and here on my public coffee table in which I talk about my thoughts and you have to listen because you can’t say anythign unless you leave a comment but you tend not to do that so I get to have the talking stick until someone wants it

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, so inshaAllah this is the “grand opening” or beginning of  “A Hadith a Day Will Keep Shaytaan at Bay” Lame title, maybe. Good idea, hecks yeah.

I don’t know if I should make a category out of it or…nah, it falls under “Islam-isms” but you’ll catch one starring at you everyday inshAllah, or at least everytime I post something. If you don’t see a hadith, then something’s wrong….that’s how dedicated I plan to be, inshaAllah.

Besides I think it’s a nice daily dose that we should all try to have. Do you remember that thick bubblegum flavored cough medicine from your childhood? Oh, that wasn’t medicine? Was I chuggin’ Pepto Bismol?. Anyhow the point is that inshaAllah the hadith will serve the same purpose -good for you and good to swallow. Inshallah I won’t post anything that’ll take longer to read than to pee; they’ll be simple and beneficial, inshaAllah.

Do I say “inshaAllah” too much?

So that’s my promise to myself and to you internet peps. It’ll do us both good, no?

-amira